Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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