Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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