Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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