using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
