dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
