okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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