Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Can Purell be used as lube?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
