I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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