judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
