omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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