I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
