chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
