i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
