The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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