ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize