I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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