People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
