so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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