Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
