I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
