why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
