Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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