I just cut my nipple shaving
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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