If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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