I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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