that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
