I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
