Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
