It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
