Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
