I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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