I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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