You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
