I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
