i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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