i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
