the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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