I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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