Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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