I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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