Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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