i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
