He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
