We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Randomize
