Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
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he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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