Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
