omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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