IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
