you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She bit a glass in half.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
