i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
