I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
