I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
