when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
