I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
