My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
