and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
