omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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