he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
