Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
