she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
