I cockslap morals
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
