Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
