Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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