I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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