I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
