you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
