i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
