yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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