Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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