6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
