i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
