I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.