Texts From Last Night

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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.

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  (506): Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites. http://tfl.nu/r5fj
  Replies (19) Good night (3248) Bad night (853)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"

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  (314): this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy" http://tfl.nu/dlxe
  Replies (40) Good night (1972) Bad night (3976)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!

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  (413): DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!! http://tfl.nu/zcda
  Replies (15) Good night (5275) Bad night (608)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.

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  (540): she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated. http://tfl.nu/qt45
  Replies (32) Good night (895) Bad night (9135)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.

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  (570): Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/d944
  Replies (23) Good night (5615) Bad night (1330)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.

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  (613): I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked. http://tfl.nu/z7yx
  Replies (11) Good night (7199) Bad night (1023)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it

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  (847): Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it http://tfl.nu/xf5x
  Replies (2) Good night (530) Bad night (720)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I think I just cured my dogs munchies

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  (908): I think I just cured my dogs munchies http://tfl.nu/38nb
  Replies (1) Good night (516) Bad night (369)
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  (+81): View more from

  I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.

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  (+81): I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue. http://tfl.nu/z1d0
  Replies (0) Good night (344) Bad night (645)
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  (315): View more from New York

  He tried to tip me with his police badge...

  (1-315): View more from New York

  and you didn't accept WHY?!

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  (315): He tried to tip me with his police badge... (1-315): and you didn't accept WHY?! http://tfl.nu/ie3g
  Replies (2) Good night (747) Bad night (442)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.

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  (806): No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch. http://tfl.nu/nl2h
  Replies (4) Good night (480) Bad night (352)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.

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  (306): I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him. http://tfl.nu/3qpq
  Replies (1) Good night (674) Bad night (296)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?

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  (613): Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch? http://tfl.nu/k968
  Replies (1) Good night (683) Bad night (339)
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  (707): View more from California

  Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.

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  (707): Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old. http://tfl.nu/gi35
  Replies (5) Good night (332) Bad night (728)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  ...object impermanence?

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  (618): How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion? (952): ...object impermanence? http://tfl.nu/x3dt
  Replies (1) Good night (480) Bad night (207)

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