Texts From Last Night

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.

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  (616): He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it. http://tfl.nu/cs3e
  Replies (2) Good night (924) Bad night (570)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.

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  (609): You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener. (1-609): Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts. http://tfl.nu/3zgr
  Replies (50) Good night (5778) Bad night (956)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.

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  (425): Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine. http://tfl.nu/qnyh
  Replies (27) Good night (1738) Bad night (4290)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.

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  (417): i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings. http://tfl.nu/51gi
  Replies (7) Good night (4175) Bad night (871)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  even the AIR tastes like tequila.

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  (910): even the AIR tastes like tequila. http://tfl.nu/sty9
  Replies (4) Good night (3156) Bad night (913)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina

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  (573): Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina http://tfl.nu/35k1
  Replies (7) Good night (696) Bad night (2736)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.

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  (617): he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes. http://tfl.nu/atub
  Replies (9) Good night (586) Bad night (2532)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.

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  (973): But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing. http://tfl.nu/ee1i
  Replies (1) Good night (679) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?

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  (917): Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now? http://tfl.nu/50ap
  Replies (2) Good night (1260) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN

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  (574): I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN http://tfl.nu/b0a5
  Replies (2) Good night (756) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.

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  (412): Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face. http://tfl.nu/ja8q
  Replies (1) Good night (254) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?

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  (613): Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates? http://tfl.nu/iv63
  Replies (3) Good night (604) Bad night (407)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part

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  (330): In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part http://tfl.nu/09fb
  Replies (2) Good night (633) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"

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  (802): I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works" http://tfl.nu/gdy1
  Replies (0) Good night (591) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants

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  (256): I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants http://tfl.nu/gsua
  Replies (1) Good night (533) Bad night (213)

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