i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"