I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing