I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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