I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.