I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
