help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
