i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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