remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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