I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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