Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
