Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
