Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
