Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How external is "for external use only"?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
