3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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