While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
